Couples Therapy in Northcote, Abbotsford and Online

You may care deeply about each other but keep getting pulled into interactions that leave you both feeling hurt, defensive or alone.

Perhaps you have the same argument repeatedly without reaching any resolution. One of you may push for conversation or reassurance, while the other becomes overwhelmed, defensive or withdrawn. Important conversations may quickly escalate or end in silence.

Over time, this can create distance between two people who still matter deeply to each other.

Couples therapy can help us understand the pattern developing between you, what each of you experiences during difficult moments, and how you might begin reaching each other differently. Sessions are available in person in Melbourne’s inner north and online across Australia.

You might notice things like:

• the same arguments happening repeatedly without resolution

• one partner pursuing while the other withdraws

• conversations becoming defensive, overwhelming or ending in silence

• feeling lonely or disconnected within the relationship

• difficulty expressing needs without blame or criticism

• resentment building after unresolved conflict

• loss of affection or sexual intimacy

• disagreements about parenting, commitment or the future

• difficulties arising during major life transitions

• rebuilding trust after infidelity, betrayal or another significant hurt

You do not need to wait until the relationship is at breaking point. Some couples come because they want to understand each other more clearly, communicate more openly, or strengthen a relationship that remains important to them.

Why these patterns can be difficult to change

When there is tension or disconnection, each partner usually has a way of trying to protect themselves or the relationship.

You may push for answers, reassurance or closeness because distance feels frightening or painful, while your partner may pull away because they feel criticised, overwhelmed or afraid of making things worse.

The more one person pushes, the more the other may withdraw. The more one withdraws, the more distressed and persistent the other may become.

Neither person necessarily intends to create this pattern. However, once it becomes established, both partners can begin reacting to the cycle rather than being able to reach each other.

Understanding the pattern can help you move beyond repeated arguments and begin recognising what each of you is experiencing and responding to.

My approach to couples therapy

My work with couples is informed by Emotionally Focused Therapy, also known as EFT.

EFT is an attachment-based approach that focuses on the emotional pattern developing between partners. Rather than positioning either person as the problem, we pay attention to what happens between you and what each person may be protecting underneath their reactions.

In sessions, we may slow down particular moments of conflict to understand:

• what each of you notices and feels

• how you interpret your partner’s response

• what you fear may happen

• how you protect yourself when feeling hurt or disconnected

• how your response then affects your partner

Over time, this may help you:

• recognise the cycle before it takes over

• reduce criticism, defensiveness and withdrawal

• communicate fears and needs more directly

• repair more effectively after conflict

• rebuild emotional closeness and trust

• develop more choice in how you respond to each other

I have completed an Emotionally Focused Therapy Externship and continue regular clinical supervision for my couples work.

What happens in the first sessions?

The first sessions focus on understanding what has brought you to therapy, the history and strengths of your relationship, and what happens when you become distressed or disconnected.

Both partners will have space to describe their experience and what they hope might change.

We will begin identifying the pattern that develops between you, including what tends to trigger it, how each person responds, and what makes it difficult to repair afterwards.

The purpose is not to decide who is right or wrong, but to understand the relationship carefully enough to identify what needs attention and whether couples therapy is appropriate.

As part of the initial assessment, I usually meet with each partner individually for one session. This allows me to understand each person’s relationship history, hopes for therapy, and any concerns that may be difficult to discuss together initially. Before these sessions, I will explain how confidentiality and information disclosed individually are handled in couples therapy.

What if we are unsure about staying together?

One or both of you may be uncertain about the future of the relationship.

My role is not to tell you whether you should remain together or separate. Therapy can help you slow the situation down, understand what has happened between you, and communicate more honestly about what each of you wants.

Where there is significant uncertainty about continuing the relationship, we can consider whether couples therapy is the most appropriate form of support.

Practical details

• Session length: 60 minutes

• Fee: $220 per session

• Location: In person in Northcote on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and Abbotsford on Wednesdays.

• Online sessions: Available across Australia

• Frequency: Weekly sessions are generally recommended initially, although fortnightly sessions may also be possible depending on your circumstances.

• Medicare: Rebates are not available

Beginning couples therapy

Starting couples therapy can feel exposing, particularly when conversations at home have become tense.

You do not need to have a shared explanation of the problem before getting in touch. It’s common for each partner to understand the relationship differently.

You can book a couples session directly, or if you have questions beforehand, a free 15-minute introductory call is also available.

The first session gives us an opportunity to understand what has brought you to therapy and for both of you to get a sense of how I work. We can then discuss what might be helpful from there and whether continuing together feels right.